My Situation Summed up by Machine

My Existing Situation
Orderly, methodical, and self-contained, I need the respect, recognition, and understanding of those close to me.

My Stress Sources
The present situation is disagreeable. It feels lonely and uncertain. I have an unsatisfied need to ally myself with others whose standards are as high as my own, and I want to stand out from the rank and file, and this sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all the more upsetting to my self-sufficiency because of the restraint I normally impose on myself. Since I want to demonstrate the unique quality of my own character, I try to suppress this need for others and affect an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal my fear of inadequacy, treating those who criticize my behavior with contempt.

My Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are such that I am forced to compromise for the time being if I am to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. Nonetheless, I insist that my goals are realistic and I stick obstinately to them, even though circumstances are forcing me to compromise. I am very exacting in the standards I apply to my choice of partners, particularly romantic.

My Desired Objective
I am preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Similarly, I want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. I wish to use tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering my chances of success or undermining others’ confidence in myself.

My Actual Problem
I take delight in action and want to be respected and esteemed for my personal accomplishments, but disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating new goals have led to stress and anxiety. I want congenial contact with others and hope for future development, but I sometimes feel that my relationships are empty and my progress impeded. To this situation, I react with intense and zealous activity designed to achieve my aims at all costs…

These freakishly insiteful results are from: http://www.ColorQuiz.com

First Days

Tomorrow is my first day at The Steel Company, where I will be employed for approximately one month. I am overwhelmingly, almost comically sad about leaving Niad. I’ve never liked anyplace I’ve worked ever before, and I go and fall in love with a place that doesn’t pay me anything.

=sigh=

At least I know I’m capable of liking a place I work. Sort of like my relationships: evidence that things are working, but not working out. Yet.

More tomorrow.

All Good Things…

My second job interview is tomorrow. It is with the Steel Company on Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood. They say there’s parking without meters on the East side, on Corey. But they’re just film aquisition & distribution people — what do they know about parking?

Still, they had their hand in distributing Farenheit 9/11 overseas, so I suppose they can’t be all bad. Beyond that, I don’t know much about them. It’s a temporary position, which will probably involve more data-entry than script-coverage, so I slacked on the research. I’m meeting someone named Tyler, and he’s in charge of “aquisitions.” Wendi tells me that it’s a good company, and I’ll meet a lot of important people, which is important.

Of course, what’s more important, is if it pays >$10/hour, so I can cover my rent, my bills, food, and my gas, at almost $3/gallon…
If it weren’t for my tax refund, a rebate from Office Max, and a donation from my mother, I’d be completely broke. My savings are all but exhausted.

Meanwhile, my last day at Niad is looming. The 15th. It’s a rare thing: I don’t want to leave. I’m not being paid, the work isn’t a thrill, and sometimes tedious, but I’ve grown attached to the people. To Jennifer and Wendi. The spirit. I feel confortable around them. I like being around Jordan (age 3) and Sydney (age <1). I feel at home in the office, and it's barely been three months.

Hopefully, like all endings, this is a beginning. And unlike jobs hanging Christmas decorations, I pray that these three months will be more than a fascinating non-sequitor in my life.

This weekend I am going to write detailed notes on two client scripts, Riccione Five by Michael Lazarou, and The Prisoner by Adam Cozad. I am honored that Wendi holds my opinion on scripts as worthwhile. I am unusually positive and hopeful that she and/or Jennifer will take a liking to one or more of my screenplays, once they read them. I hope this feeling of tenative confidence does not subside. That I don’t get sucker-punched.

Like my time at Niad, this sense of calm is comforting, and I am in no hurry to imagine or move on to unfamiliar, unfriendly futures.

Agency Slavery

The interview with Linda McDonough went very well. But, as I’ve said many times before: that means I won’t get it. Par example: I thought that the Niad interview, and the Hospital interview, and the transcription interview all went terribly. I got all those jobs. Yet — no mere online journal could sustain the weight of the many interviews that I thought went swimmingly. And I got none of them.

Anyway. After parking and peeing in the Beverly Center, I walked to their orange building on lovely, busy La Cienega. Their office was upstairs and across from a little theater stage, which they also own. The air conditioning was broken. It was stuffy and smelled old. I waited and read about dogs.

The interview. We talked for about 45 minutes. We got along. I liked them. They were honestly interested in Darwin’s Kids and my thesis, A Kingdom by the Sea, and with my hospital work too. But I soon sensed that they had their hearts set on someone who’d “worked in the trenches” as an agency assistant — one of those poor, ill-treated slaves, whom I hope to shimmy past paying my dues as. Anyway, I pray that I’ve paid my dues elsewhere. Perhaps while putting a giant Santa Clause hat on a reproduction of Michaelangelo’s David, in the middle of a Casino floor.

Afterward, Jennifer called to get feedback, and my suspicions were confirmed. My ability to read people remains on target. They were very impressed with me, but I won’t be getting the job.

I don’t want to have to work at an agency.